Are you playing a game of ‘Emotional Whack-A-Mole’?
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Are we putting too much effort into trying to suppress difficult emotions rather than facing them and experience healing?
Whether one is experiencing grief, poor self-esteem, lack of confidence, or depression what is common is that the world doesn’t stop turning. Even if one’s emotions feel like a tsunami stopping one in their tracks other people carry on with their lives and somehow appear to be functioning with whatever emotional difficulties they may or may not be having.
The challenge is clear, we have to carry on, work, pay the mortgage, provide for loved ones. It perhaps seems ridiculous to face such unpleasant thoughts and emotions when we know that we might be stopped in our tracks again and have to put the energy back into recovering from that. The trouble is, that emotional pain doesn’t go away and it pops it’s head up from time to time and like that familiar fairground game, we try to smack it down deeper into our emotional being, hidden from site, out of mind so that we don’t let those feelings have that full devastating impact. Like all those games of ‘Whack-A-Mole’ we can only knock those little blighters down to just below the surface of our psyche. Those feelings are still there. They still need addressing because they still pop up. We treat them like they are something alien to us that simply disrupts, but difficult emotions and feelings are there for a reason, they tell us something about ourselves and point the way to growth. Much like physical pain tells us that that broken bone needs attention, our emotional health needs that attention too.
Here in the UK we have that saying about having a ‘stiff upper lip’ describing how we must carry on regardless. In fact, members of the older post war generations will look down on showing emotion as something weak or describe it as ‘falling apart’. Indeed I have had clients who are taking time out with their grief fearing going back to work because they think they will ‘fall apart’ in the workplace and as such feel judged or at the very least look weak when everyone else seems to be carrying on.
Facing your emotions is a healing process.
Many of my clients find it funny when I use a particular phrase that describes the healing process of facing difficult emotions.
I describe the process at ‘Positively Shit!’.
This healing process will never feel great because my clients choose to looks at their emotional pain face on. It is difficult and exhausting work and one that requires courage but over time, the process is healing, it is a positive process.
As I write this I am reminded of the time when I jumped out of a plane at 13,000 feet as a fundraising event. As I sat on the ledge of the open door on the plane and looked down, I knew that I had to jump and I was definitely feeling the resistance, but deep down I wanted to do this. I knew that I would feel better about myself having achieved a skydive but my brain was screaming at me to not do something so 'dangerous’. Facing difficult emotions is much the same. We need to do it in order to be able to grow, but we might feel like we are opening a ‘can of worms’. We don’t know how it is going to play out along the way. Maybe there are thoughts and feelings that we have simply never voiced in public but all the while in keeping them to ourselves they seem to eat into our feeling of well-being. We know that we need to deal with them but the brain is screaming ‘Don’t!’ because this process will bring about change, change that we simply can’t predict and as such may seem unsafe.
Back to that sky-dive, when I choose to jump, all the while still carrying my fear of death (it was after all a 13,000 ft sky-dive) I realised that I was also being curious about what I was seeing and experiencing. It wasn’t comfortable because the harness was a little tight in places to the point of making me feel nauseous, but at the same time, I was taking in the view, the feeling of wind rushing across my face and gratitude for being able to see something that I simply would not be able to see in every day life. I landed safely and I realised that I had just had an experience that wasn’t characterised by fear, although there was fear. It wasn’t characterised by exhilaration, although I did feel exhilarated and it wasn’t characterised by the physical pain from the harness, even though it was physically painful. All experiences are a mix of emotions and feelings. It took courage to jump out of that plane to do something that was potentially dangerous and I am glad that I did it. I learnt something about myself and I used resources within myself to function and get through and ultimately benefit from the experience.
‘Whack-A-Mole’ will stop you from understanding who you are.
You are amazing! You may or may not believe that and you may be reading this article with feelings of self loathing, lack of confidence, sadness or depression. If you are then you are faced with a choice. You can either continue to knock those emotions down below the surface and try to ignore them or you could stop that game of ‘Whack-A-Mole’ and allow yourself to be curious about what is behind that emotional pain.
In giving yourself an opportunity to safely explore those difficult thoughts and emotions, you give yourself a better understanding of who you are and who you want to be and what you need to get there. You potentially have an opportunity to move from ‘emotional limbo’ to feeling more whole again. Interestingly, my clients seem to reduce the fear and anxiety surrounding facing difficult thoughts and emotions and as such start to function better in their day to day lives.
What is your choice going to be?
If you are grappling with your own emotional game of ‘Whack-A-Mole’ but somehow feel that you are going round in circles, then talking about it in a safe and confidential space could be just want you need to start to feel whole again and live your best life.
If that resonates with you and you are curious about therapeutic counselling, then please complete the form below to request me to contact you and we can set up a short 15 minute meeting to answer any questions that you may have about how therapeutic counselling could work for you. Alternatively, simply click here and book yourself a meeting with me at a time that works for you.