THRIVE - FEEDBACK - The problems with giving and receiving it.
Get confident at giving and receiving feedback.
When you think of the topic of giving feedback, regardless of who the giver or receiver is….
What is the first thing that comes to mind?
Over the past fourteen years of delivering management training to team leader level managers, when I have asked that question, I have received lots of differing responses that usually start with the change of body language of those that I am asking the question to.
Some cringe. Some nervously laugh. Some do their best to look comfortable with the concept. Everyone agrees that giving and receiving feedback within the workplace is useful but rarely have I had someone on a management training course convincingly show that they are totally happy about giving and receiving feedback.
I have to be honest, on one occasion I tried to look comfortable about the idea myself and invited delegates on a training workshop to give me verbal some verbal feedback during a session. Deep down I was nervous about what might be said and whether or not I was prepared for it!
It seems to me that the interaction between two people involved in the giving and receiving of feedback, is highly emotionally charged at times. There will be inevitable fears (depending upon the feedback) as to what the motivation of the giver of feedback is, what the actual feedback is about, as well as about how the feedback will be received to by the recipient. It will also be affected by the style of delivery, choice of words and the timing and the setting of the delivery.
There is also the problem of the recipient being totally unaware that they need any feedback about anything at all.
All of these issues can make giving and receiving feedback difficult to all involved and yet it is such a useful tool for personal growth and successfully delivering upon objectives.
Why? Well there may be stuff that we need to know about ourselves that currently we are unaware of.
Scary feedback about aspects of ourselves that we were simply unaware of.
Johari’s Window (see below) explains this really well. There will be aspects of our performance that one is aware of and colleagues and managers are aware of (OPEN). There will be aspects that we keep to ourselves that other’s can’t see (HIDDEN). Then there are aspects of ourselves that we are not aware of but are known to others (BLIND) and then there are aspects that have not been realised yet because it simply hasn’t become ‘ a thing’ yet (UNKNOWN).
The BLIND element is really interesting.
Imagine you are managing someone and you treat them in exactly the same way that you would treat yourself but it doesn’t land well with the person you are managing. Let’s say your style of management is direct and your choice of words are blunt but you mean no harm and you actually like the members of your team. A team member might misinterpret how you relate to them and make an assumption that you have a problem with them but they dare not tell you. As a manager you are confused as to why that person seems to be a little awkward around you and they seem to always say yes to tasks but then seem to get into a mess with over committing on an ever growing to do list. You have even asked the team member if they are OK but they say yes and then quickly move on to do something else. Somehow there seems to be a communication issue and you have no idea what is happening.
Until the truth of the situation becomes apparent, it will seem as if both you and your team member may be stuck in this weird loop for a while. No one has done anything wrong, but the team member isn’t getting what they need from you as a manager to motivate them to grow and improve their performance. You simply have no idea as to why you are struggling to motivate the team member.
For you and your team member to work better with each other maybe you need some feedback on how you might need to be more flexible in your way of interacting with team members and that treating everyone the same is not working. It would be an essential piece of feedback that could unlock how you manage teams. Sadly, half the time, people are fearful of giving feedback to their managers.
What to do if there are clear problems with managing a team member but no clear causation for that difficulty.
Be courageous and objectively talk about the elephant in the room.
Talk objectively and without accusation e.g “It feels to me like we do not communicate well and I would like to work with you to change that. Would you be open to that?”
Be private.
Don’t have this conversation in a public setting. Make time and space for this important discussion.
Be trustworthy.
Make sure all your actions in this particular process are fuelled with authenticity, credibility and good will and, be confidential. Your team member needs to know that they can talk to you about their difficulties and know that you have their back and you need to know that they are loyal to you too.
Let me give you something that will help you to be more successful with relationships at work (and any other relationship too).
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About John Hicks.
Since 2012, after a career in science and technology starting as a bench chemist then moving into sales and marketing and ultimately senior management, I decided to start my own company to help clients to see the truth in their abilities rather than fall for the deceitful thoughts that come with having a low self-esteem.
I realised that individuals at all levels of organisations can experience overwhelm, self-doubt and be de-railed by their automatic reactions to problems rather than have choice and control in bringing about the best outcomes.
If you want to find out more about my work then feel free to look around my website by clicking here.